omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize