That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
