dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
