You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
