I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
