I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
