I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
