sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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