can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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