I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
