Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
