dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
