At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
