Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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