Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
