That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize