What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
