All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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