Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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