So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
