3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
