i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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