I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
