he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's always time for handjobs
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
