Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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