i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
