YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
