Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
