just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
