Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
