his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's blow job season.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
