You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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