what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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