"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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