Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
4 words: hood of his car
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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