I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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