JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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