Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
