I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
