I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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