dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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