I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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