we have officially lost it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just pee around me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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