I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your cock deserves a montage
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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