It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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