Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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