if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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