Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
