i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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