everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
