you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
