How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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