if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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