Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
