please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
