What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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