Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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