"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
