As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
