after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
