Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
