you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
