before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
