Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
