Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
