dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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