He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
