I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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