I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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