So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
