She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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