this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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