spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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