I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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