Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
