I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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