for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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