He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize