I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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