even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
