U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
