I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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