around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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