he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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