we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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