I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
