we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
