im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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