life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
