but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
