my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
