she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize